Michael Bay diarrhea
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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