the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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