No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
