well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
