I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
