Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
