I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
