fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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