Betty ford says i'm here all night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
