i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
