Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
