Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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