Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
