Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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