your room smells of hookers.
And success
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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