Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
