Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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