Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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