me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
