she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize