there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
