This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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