Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Even my vagina gasped.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
