Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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