The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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