do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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