and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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