I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
