i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
