Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
