I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
