yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
