I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
