So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
