i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
