We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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