The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
