WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
