Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
