Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
