I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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