What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
