What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
