he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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