Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
