I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
