I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
