She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
