He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
