I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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