Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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