You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
