Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
