We won't sleep together?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize