you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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