i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
