so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
