don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
