My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
