either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
