4 words: hood of his car
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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