WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
