no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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