my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
