You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
