i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
