Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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