oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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