please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
