remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
