I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
