I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
