a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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