Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
