I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
