I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
